Recently, I met a dear friend for lunch at Cooperage in the Curtis Building. If you are ever in Philadelphia near 7th & Walnut, make it your top priority to grab a bite to eat there. You cannot go wrong ordering the pulled pork sandwich, mac & cheese or pork nachos –they are to-die-for. Anyway, while my friend and I were waiting for our plates of delicious goodness to arrive, we had our “homegirl catch-up”; which is usually an update on our adorably talented kids, her husband, and any of the men I’m dating.
My homegirl and I go back ten years - we met in Rittenhouse Square through our sons who were toddlers at the time. That day, our boys decided they were going to be friends and after she and I spent a few hours together chasing after them, we both knew we would be too. Our friendship, like most friendships, has weathered many of life’s difficulties and we genuinely love each other like sisters. During our catch-up, my sister referred to the 43% of American’s, some like to claim, ‘do not’ pay taxes as “roaches and parasites that feed off of every hard-working American”. My first thought was, “this chick has lost her ever-lovin’ mind”. The more she spoke, the more she sounded like she was parroting political talking points – and the more I needed a stiff drink.
Where is my food?
Her viewpoint totally caught me off guard, and the only thing I could say was, “what”. That’s it – what. I come from a family that debated anything and everything, so I really try to respect other opinions but I was taking that insult personally. When I shared with her that when she and I met, I was a part of that 43 per cent (not sure of that percentage ten years ago); she was stunned and ultimately embarrassed. Truthfully, my goal was not to embarrass her, although my soul did give thanks to the Creator when she stopped talking.
Of course, our food would come as I begin to make my point.
I wanted to share with her that someone she loved and respected needed social programs at one point, and maybe, there is someone now in her life, that is currently a part of the 43 – like maybe her housekeeper, nanny or anyone from her grounds crew – that may need social programs, even though they work full-time.
Newsflash: The working poor are just like other workin’ folk: they go to work, and get taxes taken out of their checks. The only difference is their paychecks are not making their ends meet.
I guess it is easier to vilify a number and not a face. After she knew I was on a form of state assistance, it was suddenly okay with her that that particular social program was available to Jack and me but it was not okay minutes ago in her tirade. Maybe that happens with a lot of us - we block, generalize and pushback until an issue hits home. Then we understand. My girlfriend is in a higher percentage of the 99 than I am but we are still in the 99.
I find it interesting how those that control the media and government are able to get people in the same group to turn on each other – and we don’t even realize it.
Ultimately, my sister and I found a way to enjoy the rest of our meal and a way back to enjoying each other – and I didn’t even need a drink to do it. That’s my homegirl, I love her.
Reminds me a little of situations where a friend might momentarily loose their minds and "forget" I am black and say something racist,and then say: well, not YOU...and I have to say, well yes, ME. You are referring to me and it hurts whether intended or not. This is how we all learn and grow, and I am glad you and your girl were able to work through it, as I was with my friend. Ah, to be human! Love the site.
ReplyDeleteWhenever someone starts to talk about government programs I start to tense up. Sometimes I open my mouth, other times I just keep a tight lip. It isn't until someone realizes that people they know have used these outlets, their point of view changes. T
ReplyDeletehere have been plenty of times when I went to the offices and looked at the variety of people that were around me. As much as I didn't want to judge, I did. I knew my situation, wanting health insurance for myself and my child, but didn't know others, and even though I was sitting right next to them, had to wonder why they were there. It doesn't look good when you are sitting there in high quality clothing, with the newest model phone, but then I remember, that is also me. I had to remind myself that even though I may not have sported my latest fashion find to the offices (I usually wore my uniform of sweatshirt, jeans and sneakers) that I also have my "good" clothes in my closet. I would remind myself that someone could be looking at me and wondering why I was there. They don't know that the Agnier leather purse that I use when I go out was bought at a thrift store for $3, or the new New Balance sneakers I was wearing were from a bag of shoes that my best friend, who luckily is the same shoe size, lost interest in. Oh yeah, and that smart phone people are on, usually come free or at almost the same cost as a flip phone, and it is much cheaper to have one of those with the internet then go out and buy a computer, so they might just be thrifty.
I'm going on a rant here, but there are times when people make generalizations about people on social programs, and they are usually saying it when they feel they are in the company of people who, like them, have never had to use them. I have heard comments about people using food stamps to buy things at the store like steak or some organic products, but guess what? Maybe it's their birthday and instead of going out to dinner, they are staying in and saving money. And just because food stamps are being used, does not mean that you need to eat junk just because it's cheaper.
Don't get me wrong, there are people out there that completely abuse the system. I was told by someone how to hustle the system in many and various ways. People will sell their access cards with food stamp money on it for straight up cash. I know how to get $200 a month by putting my 6 year old on disability through manipulation of our situation. The things that I was told appalled me, I would never think of them, nor would I ever do them, but there are people that do. And those are the people that our friends and family lump us with. I am not hustling the system, I just want my son to be able to go to the Dr. for his shots to allow him to go to school, I want to be able to go the Dr. because I'm getting older and things tend to happen in our golden years (hahahaha, I know 33 isn't golden yet, but close to it) and I want to have a painful cavity filled if I ever have one.
I don't blame people for thinking a certain way about others on welfare, or government programs. Those thoughts were put there by a misinformed person, the media, or witnessing the hustle first hand. That is why when I speak up about it, it is to inform. To try reverse the stigma that having an access card carries. I have one, I have used it, I haven't had to in years, but I still keep it.
I'm glad that your friend was able to listen and to appreciate, probably why you are friends.
*sorry for any spelling and grammar mistakes, I'm procrastinating but rushing at the same time!
Many people believe that people on some social programs have a specific look or set of character traits. I have come across this issue as well and it really bothers me when it comes from someone I consider a friend...Also (when it does happen) I'm always thankful for the opportunity to change that perception.
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