mind phuckery

I am a writer.  Right now, I make my living writing press releases, drafting publications and writing web content that promotes “the importance of maintenance of certification (MOC)” amongst doctors. [Insert sounds of snoring] It’s not the writing I’d like to be doing but every week there’s a paycheck with my name on it – and for that I am very grateful. 

I wasn’t always a 9to5’er, at one point, I was fortunate enough to make a living in film & video production, but life took me in a different direction and after I learned that my unhealthy consumption of cheese steak hoagies and jalapeño French fries with salpeppaketchup was due to a life growing inside me - I had to make changes. I knew I had to say goodbye to the creatively unpredictable world of film & video and hello to a stable predictable 9to5.  I’ve been in the 9to5 world ever since.

No doubt about it, I am very happy with my life, it’s just – lately- I find myself missing the excitement. Oh my gosh, the rush I used to get before the first take, or the goose bumps I used to get sitting with creative kinfolk brainstorming ideas.  Hell, I even miss running around like a chicken with its head cut-off looking for missing talent - you would never know what the day would bring. Not so much there, everyday is pretty much like the day before.  Even after eleven years, for me, working in an office is still a mind phuck.

At my daily-grind, most of the copy I submit is marked up so badly, it looks like someone spilled red juice all over it, or the ideas I pitch are shot down until Boss Lady pitches the very same ones – then it’s scripture. I tell ya, if I did not have creative people in my life, I would actually begin to second-guess myself as a writer.  I observe some of the people I work with and I can see that this is their passion.  They have worked their lives trying to get here and they are happy to be here and will do anything to stay.  To each his own, I guess - my name ain’t Toby.

Sometimes, I feel like I’m in high school. Like oh my gawd, if I just conformed, I could be cool, too. If I would just write like “Joe Schmoe” down the hall, or always be upbeat like “Positive Polly” up the hall – maybe I would finally get an office with a window.  It would be so easy to compromise who I am and go with the flow, but if I teach my son to always, regardless of what the crowd says, stay true to yourself – how can I do otherwise?

Damn! Damn! Damn!  (In my best Florida Evans’ voice)  I’m a square peg, always was and always will be.

So…what’s the weather like outside?